GAME OF THRONES SEASON 7, EPISODE 4 ‘THE SPOILS OF WAR’ PAGE TO SCREEN REVIEW AND RECAP

Jamie is in his feelings over everything that went down with the Queen of Thorns last week.  Bronn wants more money and High Garden.  Jamie basically tells him mo’ money, mo’ problems.  There’s a bit of banter about debt paying, confession, the lack of a High Septon, etc. Then, I shit you not, seconds later, regarding the possibility of Cersei’s reign being a peaceful reign, Jamie has the absolute blind-sister-fucking-nerve to say “Stranger things have happened.” Stranger things?  Why isn’t there a High Septon? Even in a world where dragons exist, Sam gets Gilly, and a magical ice man takes 7 years to knock down a wall of ice, stranger things have not happened.  What a dip shit. That said, show!Jamie Lannister looks really fucking good in his armor.  Yeah, we’ve seen him in it before, but this episode really solidified my desire to remove that armor post-haste.   

Now to King’s Landing and Cersei, who’s still sporting the latest in Ish Kabibble hair fashion.  She’s discussing her desire to establish control of the continent and the need to expand her army and navy, with Tycho Nestoris . We learn that Qyburn has made overtures to the Golden Company in Essos- the same sell sword company Davos suggested Stannis use. He didn’t. In the back of his mind he probably knew he wouldn’t have a legit reason to bone Mel anymore, other than pleasure.   

Nestoris makes a comment about the bank using the GC to recover their assets, and Cersei replies, “I too would like to recover some things that belong to me.” What?  Tyrion’s head? The Realm?  WHAT IS SHE TRYING TO RECOVER?! If you’re asking yourself “WTF is the Golden Company and why are they just now introducing an army of 10,000 killers?” Know that your question is valid. I don’t think they will make an appearance, for a few reasons.  The first being Cersei’s gold- does gold survive dragon fire? Second, the GC is important in the books because of who they are working for- Young Griff, a young man who is said to be Aegon (fAegon), Rhaegar’s son who was reportedly killed by the Mountain. 

Young Griff/Aegon has been in the care of Jon Connington, the Mad King’s Hand, and close friend of Rhaegar (he was also in love with Rhaegar). In the novels, Varys is working behind the scenes to put Aegon on the Iron Throne. He has Kevan Lannister murdered because he has been able to bring some semblance of order back to KL, despite Cersei. Varys wants Cersei’s chaos, as it will make it easier for Young Griff/Aegon, to take control. Jon Connington and Young Griff are not on the show, with Jorah taking more of the JonCon character (he has greyscale), and Dany taking on more of Aegon (in the novels, Dany has not made it to Westeros, but Young Griff has, and has taken back JonCon’s ancestral seat at Griffin’s Roost. He also plans to lead the charge in their next battle, something we see Dany do in this episode). In ADwD, Tyrion travels with Young Griff for a time, before being kidnapped, sold to slavers, escaping captivity, and securing the Second Sons, a different mercenary group, for Dany. We did see Tyrion in captivity on the show, in very condensed fashion.  
Littlefinger gives UnBran the dagger that was used in the attempt on his, (Bran’s), life. He spews some bullshit sentiment about not being there for Cat, telling him if he could have stopped the dagger that killed her, he would have. Lucky for the Starks, he’s there for her now by “protecting her children.” Bran asks LF who the dagger belonged to, and LF tells him that he doesn’t know, but it started the War of the Five Kings and “Made you who you are.” When life gives you lemons, I guess? Then ever so slyly, LF says “I assume you’ve seen things,” and remarks that Bran has made his way home “Only my to find chaos.” To which Bran replies, “Chaos is a ladder.” Oh shit. LF looks shook as fuck, and gives Bran a “Sorry to bother you Lord Stark,” and gets TFO of there. Why did Bran’s comment clench LF’s butthole? Well, it’s something LF said to Varys back in Season 3, as shit was hitting the fan all over, and LF was really thinking he was the hot shit puppet master…and that he probably knows who the dagger belongs to, whether LF answers him or not. 

Enter Meera. Poor fucking Meera. She is there to tell Bran goodbye, and gets a super Goth kid at Christmas type goodbye from Bran. She’s rightfully pissed. There’s zero emotion from Bran, despite the fact that her brother, Leaf, 3EC, Summer, and Hodor all died to keep him alive. He’s all “I’m not Bran anymore, I’m the UnBran.” Meera’s like “Yeah, you died in the cave, bro. Peace out.” 

Arya arrives at Winterfell. Guards at the gate, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, refuse to let her in, not believing her story. They find Sansa, but Arya has left, making her way to their father’s crypt. Sansa finds her there, and Arya asks her if she has to call her Lady Stark now. Straight faced, Sansa says “Yes,” but then breaks into a smile and the girls embrace.  All warm and fuzzy now, the end. But not really. Arya’s list is mentioned, after Arya tells her that she almost went to KL instead of WF. Sansa looks slightly terrified until Arya giggles. 

Bran is at the Weirwood looking super creepy. “You came home,” he says. Arya hugs him, and he tells her he saw her at the Cross Roads (Bone Thugs echo). Arya, well, she’s confused. Bran’s like “I see quite a lot.” “Bran sees things.” No shit, Sansa, he literally just said that. Then Bran spills that he thought Arya would go to KL, and Arya admits she did as well.  Sansa is confused at first, but then she remembers the list, and realizes it isn’t a joke. Bran shows the dagger to them, and explains it was the dagger that was meant to kill him. Obviously, they want to know how a hobo got a freaking Valyrian steel dagger. The consensus is that someone rich wanted Bran dead.  Slow clap for them solving the obvious. Bran gives Arya the dagger, as it’s “wasted” on a cripple. Brienne and Pod watch as Bran, Arya, and Sansa arrive back at the castle. When Pod comments on Brienne fulfilling her vow, my Lady’s her, and she tells him she did next to nothing. Brienne starts a very Brienne “I’m not a lady” response, but stops and thanks him. It’s sweet.  

Dany and Missandei discuss Grey Worm and sex, just as Jon shows up requesting Dany follow him into a cave so he can “show her something.” Ladies, this usually would be a good time to run. The cave is covered in glyphs that he wanted her to see before they started mining the dragon glass.  The glyphs depict the Children of the Forest, the First men, and the White Walkers/Night King. We all know Jon and Davos ran in with some chalk and threw those up there real quick, right? The drawings depict the battles fought and the CoF and FM joining forces to defeat a common, greater enemy. Dany looks taken aback, even fearful. She asks him if he can defeat this threat without her army or dragons, which is a big ol nope. She tells Jon she will fight for him- when he bends the knee. And now where back to the bickering about knee bending, Northerners accepting a Southern ruler, pride, etc. 

Enter Tyrion. Dany is informed of what went down last episode, and she’s pissed.  She wants to burn the Red Keep to the ground. She does not care to hear Tyrion’s opinion on why that is a bad idea, as his decisions have lost them Dorne, the Iron Islands, and the Reach. Tyrion doesn’t want the people to see her as they did her father, and he doesn’t want her to put herself in harm’s way. To her credit, she asks him what type of leader she would be if she didn’t put herself at risk. John steps in and gives a speech about her being different and razing cities being more of the same bull shit the people have always known. 

Back in Winterfell, Brianne and Pod Spar. She gives him a few tips, and Arya pipes in from the sidelines “And don’t fight someone like her in the first place.” Brienne compliments Arya on Needle, and Arya is like “I got next.” Brienne doesn’t think Arya’s sword is large enough, and she definitely starts out taking it easy on Arya. Then Arya starts fighting and Brienne gets an “oh shit” look on her face, and has to start fighting back. Sansa and LF watch from above. LF has a slight smile, and Sansa looks…Well, it’s difficult to say how she’s feeling about the situation. She’s either jealous that Brienne is giving Arya attention, or she’s terrified.  It’s very difficult to say with show!Sansa. Not a fan of how the show has changed the character.  Anyway, when the sparring is over, Arya looks up at them, smiling. Sansa walks off, and a smiling Arya looks up, smiling, at LF. He looks legit uncomfortable, his smile fades, and he walks away. 

Oh, and Brienne asks Arya who taught her how to fight. She tells Brienne “No One.” On both the show and in the novels, Syrio Forel’s fate is unknown. Sure, he was surrounded by King’s Guard when we last saw him, but it was Meryn Trant and his ilk. There are a lot of theories that Jaqen H’ghar is Syrio, meaning Syrio is a Faceless Man, meaning he is No One, just as Arya was No One, possibly confirming the Syrio=FM=JH. 

Davos asks Jon about Dany, and he tells him he believes she has a good heart. Davos jokes “I didn’t see you looking at a good heart.” Missandei approaches and asks Jon about his name and the concept of bastards, she doesn’t understand it being a thing, because where she’s from, there is no concept of marriage. They then discuss her days in slavery and how she feels about Dany. The men are surprised when Miss tells them if she decided to leave, Dany would give her a ship and wish her well. To Miss and the others, she is not a Queen because she was the daughter of on old King they didn’t know, she is Queen because they chose her to be their Queen. It’s compelling enough for Davos to joke with Jon about switching sides. 

And what’s that on the beach? A Greyjoy ship? Enter Theon! Jon holds back a real nice throttling of Theon, only because he helped Sansa escape. Davos asks about Yara, and they learn that the reason Theon is at Dragonstone is because Euron has Yara, and he’s hoping Dany can get her back. That’s when we as viewers learn that Dany has left. 

Dickon Tarly tells Jamie this was his first battle. He doesn’t like that so many people he knew had to die, but Jamie says they openly disobeyed their Queen. Dickon also didn’t expect it to smell. Bronn informs him that men shit themselves when they die, he learned it when he was five. Poor Dickon, he only went to Fancy Lad school.  

Something catches Jamies attemtion. A low rumble. The rumble of  stampeding horses. Of a freaking horde of Dothraki screamers! They aren’t yet in sight, but Jamie’s yells shields, he knows something is coming. Jamie and Tarly start commanding the men for battle. Rumble gets closer…closer…boom! Dothraki horde! Tarly commands the men. Jamie rides back and forth watching, as Bronn tells him to leave, because they are about to be demolished. Jamie says he isn’t going anywhere, just as Dany and Drogon appear, flying ahead of the horde and goes all dracarys on them, scorching men and loot. Oh, and the horde keeps coming.  

Dany makes several passes, destroying the cargo, (including food. I don’t want to hear one more time that you need to feed people, young lady, if you’re just going to burn up what’s available), and armies. Jamie watchers her, calling for archers. Their arrows bounce off of Drogon like a gold piece does Jamie’s abs. Jamie has Bronn run to the scorpion, the giant dragon killing gun, as it requires two hands to shoot.  Bronn barely makes it to the scorpion. The first arrow goes through a Dothraki who has made it up on to the contraption. The second misses Drogon. The third hits him near the wing. The pain shocks him, and he loses control, but is able to right himself. Bronn barely escapes the dragon fire as it consumes the scorpion. Tyrion watches from above. I believe it’s Qhono that tells Tyrion “Your people can’t fight.” Tyrion watches Jamie scramble, yelling for men to take cover as Drogon approaches, so silently, over the water. This is just before he is hit by the scorpion. After Drogon is hit and lands, Dany dismounts, and as she’s trying to pull the bolt from his body, Jamie decides he’s going to attack Dany. Tyrion realizes this may happen and tries to will Jamie to change him mind. Just as Jamie approaches Dany, Drogon turns his head and fires. Bronn saves the day, doing some crazy aerial maneuvers off of his horse, knocking himself and Jamie into the water. We end with Jamie sinking. Don’t worry, that guy has too much plot armor to be killed off right now.

Also, this-